Online dating monologue

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It is so annoying. When you moved in next door, I was so happy. Wait…I think that is my mom now! Oh my God, I left it charging in the car. So how was your day? Did you know that the earth turns at 1, miles an hour? They gave me a choice.

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Yes of course! I just single handedly went from town to town playing my flute and had an army of rats following me. They chased me down the alley. That thunder and lightning surrounding us? To my surprise, they were all shrunken about three sizes after taking them out of the dryer! I know because I was once in that situation and went down the wrong path. I wish I was scared of the dark.

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